The zombie genre has gone through some ups and downs in its time. From the heady highs of Dawn of the Dead and Shaun of the Dead we’ve now fallen down, and down, really down, to Ibiza Undead.
Ibiza Undead follows three young-lads, and one of their ex-girlfriends, as they head to Ibiza where the sister and friend, of the same lad whose ex-girlfriend has come along, are waiting for them at a holiday home. This is while a mutated version of the Ebola virus is turning people into zombies around the world.
Ibiza has been declared a virus free island, but one of the nightclub owners, played by Matt King (Peep Show, Bronson), has some undead people he’s using as attractions in his club. Obviously, this all goes horribly wrong, coupled with the fact the undead appear to have just walked across the water to get to the island. Somehow.
The film is written and directed by Andy Edwards (first feature film) and is nothing short of misogynistic, badly written, badly directed tripe. I’m hard pushed to think of a worse film I’ve seen, let alone a worse zombie film, a genre not exactly known for churning out ‘good’ films.
The three lads, Jordan Coulson (The Wolfman, Cradle to the Grave (TV)), Homer Todiwala (Red Dwarf, London Kahanis) and Ed Kear (Spy, The Aliens) are three of the most clichéd characters ever committed to screen. Ed Kear’s character in particular is the most annoying, misogynistic, unfunny character I’ve seen in a long time. He’d be out of place in a Carry On film, so you can only imagine how bad he is here.
Cara Theobold (Downton Abbey (TV), The Syndicate (TV)) plays Coulson’s ex-girlfriend, Emily Atack (Dad’s Army, The Inbetweeners (TV)) plays his sister with Algina Lipskis (Natasha, Law & Order: UK (TV)) her friend. None do themselves any favours in the acting department whilst Edwards just puts Atack and Lipskis (and most other women in the film) in bikini’s and shoots, well, I’m sure you can imagine what he shoots.
We also get Marcia Do Vales (Deranged, The Reverend) who, along with King, is probably the best thing in the film, but really, that’s not reaching any kind of heights. She plays a nightclub promoter for King and is a feisty little Brazilian, playing a feisty little Brazilian. Though, naturally, in skimpy outfits.
The film tries so hard to be The Inbetweeners meets Shaun of the Dead but misses both marks by a country-mile. I feel sorry for the actors who have taken part in the movie, that’s it’s now on their CV. Ed Kear in particular, I really hope he’s nothing like his character in real life, or in any other part he ever plays, ever.
Alex Zane (who most of you will know from Rude Tube in the UK) also makes a, very small, appearance in the movie. If ever you want to see someone trying hard to not be in a film, watch the few seconds he’s in it. It’s a masterclass in ‘cut my part from this movie’ acting. I have a hard time believing he’s really that bad at acting drunk.
20th March 2017
THE QUICK SELL
Ibiza Undead follows three young-lads, and one of their ex-girlfriends, as they head to Ibiza