2012 Total Recall

I am of the ilk that this film was pointless. More so than the TV gameshow of the same name. There were issues with the original Total Recall movie sure, but it wasn’t one that didn’t do well, it wasn’t a movie people were crying out for a remake to be made (but then are we ever?).

Anyway, what do I know, a remake they did make and they decided to cast Colin Farell in the role previously played by Arnie.

The story is different from the original, whilst Mars is mentioned we never go to the planet, whilst at the same time the story is the same, including some of the same lines.

This starts the first problem with this new version. As they’ve changed so much I can’t see the point in them dropping in these bits from the original film. The problems it creates far out way the reason for putting them in which is…well I’m not sure.

Now I will hold my hands up and say that, if this where a stand alone movie – i.e. with no ties – then it isn’t a bad movie. But putting in the bits from the original movie just makes the whole thing feel a bit disjointed, there’s no need for some of them to be in there, they just feel shoe-horned in.

The other problem with this movie, and it’s something that I thought we’d lost from action movies back in the 80’s, it’s something I haven’t seen in a long time.

The issue I’m referring to is with the character Lori Quaid, who is played by Kate Beckinsale. She is Colin’s wife, or is she, well if you’ve seen the original you’ll know what I mean, she’s that one. But in this one they seem to have turned her into the T1000 from Terminator. Seriously this bitch won’t die. They throw everything at her and time and time again she comes back, it gets to the point, like we used to see in 80’s movies, where you’re crying out “oh come on” every time she appears on the screen having escaped yet another attempt on her life.

This movie also features what has to be the shortest screen time for a well known actor ever and the (un)fortunate actor is Bill Nighy. Don’t know if he got left on the cutting room floor or not but sneeze and you’ll miss him!

It’s a shame they didn’t make this film under a different name and remove the Total Recall parts and perhaps said it was influenced by the original. It would have given the movie a bit more space to breath and would have made a not bad action movie. Oh, and also, kill the bitch earlier!

Finally I just have to add, regulary readers will know I have a good way of identifying if a movie is going to be in any good or not by looking at the number of writers. The more writers, the worse a film is a fairly good rule-of-thumb. How many for Total Recall 2012? Six!