Ah, horror. It has so many familiar tropes that you could make an entire trilogy of films and still not cover them all, handily however, The Cabin, tries its utmost to do that for you in one film.
The Cabin sees a man, Erik Kammerland (“Douche”), who is also the writer of the movie, attack and kill Thomas Hedengran (“Hamliton”, “Dead On Arrival”) and take over his farm by the lake.
On the other side of the lake is a cabin, a cabin which Rose, Caitlin Crommett (“Fake The Joy”), and Harry, Christopher Lee Page (“Floreana”, “The Meanest Man In Texas”), are on their way to spend some quality time together in.
Rose and Harry are American, why Harry’s family has a cabin in Sweden is never told, though frankly it would be hard to care. For the biggest single issue with The Cabin, is that the characters of Rose and Harry are the most irritating couple ever committed to screen.
They hate each other, for reasons we’re never let in on, we have no idea why, given that they hate each other, they’ve chosen to take the long journey to Sweden and then the long journey to the cabin.
They bicker and bitch about each other and each others families and this, coupled with the slow writing and directing, makes The Cabin one of the most frustrating watches I’ve seen in some time.
You don’t feel anything other than annoyance to these characters and so the fact that there’s a man in a mask with an axe chasing them, is kind of a good thing really, you feel they deserve it. This may have been fine if the man with the axe (it’s Kammerland), was a likeable bad-guy, a Dexter type character. But he’s not, he’s just another annoying character who says little but tries to be all cool and hip.
The way the two end up stranded at the cabin is laughable, as is their reaction to being stranded. Their take on how to handle the whole situation is akin to someone dealing with a loss of phone signal on a train, rather than being chased through some woods by a murderer with an axe.
Then there’s the scores which consists solely of a string quartet playing at various different speeds (because everyone knows that strings mean scary, right?), squeaky doors and a man who sits and plays a church organ by candlelight, as you do.
Positives? Well, the setting is lovely, the directing, whilst a little too shaky-cam for my liking at times is good. There’s only an hour and 26 minutes of it? Honestly, I’m clutching at straws here. The Cabin is not a good film. It’s a weak idea with terrible characters, terrible dialogue and a cliched score. Watch at your peril!