Cats

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21st December 2019
 

It's All True

Cats is directed by Tom Hooper (“The King’s Speech”, “Les Miserables”). He does the same thing wrong with Cats like he did with Les Miserables. He casts actors who can’t sing, he uses extreme close ups so that we can see snot dripping out of several noses and he makes the actors sing already emotional songs in whimpering, quiet voices. Keep him away from musicals!

Characters done dirty:

  • Macavity, the Napoleon of Crime, is played by Idris Elba (“Luther”, “The Dark Tower“).He ends up stuck on a statue of Napoleon without his teleporting powers. Very funny Tom. This character is based on Moriarty, and this is what you do to him? He is, by the way, a ginger cat, according to the original lyrics. They even sing it in this movie, that he’s a ginger cat! And yet here he’s got brown fur. For some reason, this infuriates me more than anything.
  • Jason Derulo (“Empire”, “Lethal Weapon”) plays Rum Tum Tugger all wrong. Yes, he has the charisma, but Rum Tum Tugger was originally based on Mick Jagger. Jason Derulo is no Mick Jagger.
  • Jennyanydots, played by Rebel Wilson (“Pitch Perfect”, “The Hustle”), is a freakish cat. At one point in the movie she unzips her outer skin to reveal a full on showgirl-outfit underneath. Why, Tom Hooper? Why? If she did this once during her musical number, I could forgive it, but she also uses this magical snake-like skin-shedding-ability to escape from Macavity. It’s horrifying! Also, she has an army of mice and cockroaches with tiny human faces. She then eats the cockroaches. This is why we can’t have nice things.
  • Jennifer Hudson (“Dreamgirls”, “Lullaby”) plays Grizabella, arguably the most famous cat with the most famous song. I didn’t like it at all. Sorry Jennifer, it’s not your fault. Tom Hooper, you don’t need to have your actors sing emotional songs so full of emotion! The lyrics do the work for you. All the power from that song was gone, because Jennifer had to sing it like she was crying the whole time. Also, I love Jennifer Hudson, please don’t hate me.
  • Taylor Swift (“The Giver”, “Valentine’s Day”) plays Bombalurina. In the original musical that character absolutely hates Macavity. In this movie, she is his henchwoman and she drugs the entire clan. Why? Why would you make a character the complete opposite of what the were before. Why Tom Hooper?

Bad casting:

I’m not going to rant about the bad casting, because the actors are all so good when they aren’t playing a CGI cat. But for those of you that want to see it because Sir Ian McKellen, Dame Judi Dench, Idris Elba, Taylor Swift or Rebel Wilson are in it, trust me and don’t watch it. You don’t want to see your hero like this.

Weird concepts:

  • Sometimes the cat behaviour is very convincing, but sometimes the performers just look like humans pretending to be cats. At one point, James Corden washes himself behind his CGI ears. It’s so weird!
  • Why do some cats wear pants, coats or shoes, and other cats wear nothing? Sometimes they crouch, sometimes they prance, sometimes they walk on all fours and sometimes they walk on 2 legs. Make up your mind, Tom Hooper!
  • Taylor Swift wrote a new song for this movie called Beautiful Ghosts. It doesn’t fit in with the rest of the musical at all. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t. It’s clearly a pop song.

Positive points:

  • I like the added detail of the background of Grizabella. Apparently she made the mistake of helping Macavity once. This explains why nobody likes her.
  • I have always wondered why Macavity kidnaps Old Deuteronomy. When he kidnaps everybody and takes them to a barge on the Thames, this explains a lot. He even has an evil scheme, I love that.
  • James Corden is very well cast. He’s funny, can act and can sing. Good one, James.
  • A special shootout to Robbie Fairchild, who plays Munkustrap. He carried most of the movie, in my humble opinion. A stellar performance.
  • Mr Mistoffelees, played by Laurie Davidson, and Victoria, played by Francesca Hayward, fall in love. It’s a very sweet addition to the story. I thought it was adorable.
  • Everybody’s ears look very realistic. They constantly move and twitch. I think the people who worked on the ears of the cats deserve a raise.
  • The dancing was very beautiful.

Don’t watch this movie. It’s not worth it. Watch the stage version from 1998 instead.

THE QUICK SELL
A tribe of cats called the Jellicles must decide yearly which one will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new Jellicle life.

RELEASE DATE
20th December 2019

DIRECTED BY
Tom Hooper

WRITTEN BY
Lee Hall, Tom Hooper

Running Time:
1h 50min

Have your say

US Box Office

#Title
1

Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey

2

Bad Boys for Life

3

1917

4

Dolittle

5

Jumanji: The Next Level

6

The Gentlemen

7

Gretel & Hansel

8

Little Women

9

Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker

10

Knives Out

UK Box Office

#Title
1

Dolittle

2

Birds Of Prey: And The Fantabulous Emancipation Of One Harley Quinn

3

1917

4

Parasite

5

Bad Boys For Life

6

The Personal History Of David Copperfield

7

Kinky Boots - The Musical (Theatre)

8

Jumanji: The Next Level

9

The Gentlemen

10

Little Women

US Box Office

#FilmWeekend GrossWeeks on Release# of CinemasGross to Date
1

Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey

$33,010,01714,236$33,010,017
2

Bad Boys for Life

$12,011,35543,530$166,333,562
3

1917

$9,236,35073,548$132,779,259
4

Dolittle

$6,534,58043,462$63,834,565
5

Jumanji: The Next Level

$5,556,67992,729$298,487,090
6

The Gentlemen

$4,215,49132,557$26,887,472
7

Gretel & Hansel

$3,580,33223,007$11,604,572
8

Little Women

$2,376,04471,805$102,724,187
9

Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker

$2,313,34881,746$510,634,826
10

Knives Out

$2,297,647111,443$158,889,297

UK Box Office

#FilmWeekend GrossWeeks on Release# of CinemasGross to Date
1

Dolittle

£5,085,5201600£5,085,520
2

Birds Of Prey: And The Fantabulous Emancipation Of One Harley Quinn

£2,833,2971629£2,833,297
3

1917

£2,271,5285692£35,888,252
4

Parasite

£1,397,3871137£1,397,387
5

Bad Boys For Life

£1,000,6284481£13,098,674
6

The Personal History Of David Copperfield

£530,3393519£5,089,472
7

Kinky Boots - The Musical (Theatre)

£503,2562479£1,175,439
8

Jumanji: The Next Level

£391,3109462£34,830,746
9

The Gentlemen

£351,3236333£11,057,892
10

Little Women

£305,0337452£20,800,556